


If I Should Falter

by daisyqiaolianmay (skinman)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Hurt, Old Friends, Old.... possible.... something mores?, Post 3x07, Post Chaos Theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:59:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5210273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinman/pseuds/daisyqiaolianmay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Prompt: 'Coulson comforting May instead of getting that drink with Rosalind [Post Chaos Theory], or just Coulson comforting May.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Should Falter

“Do you need to go after her?”

“She wouldn’t want me to, not right now.” Coulson was resigned to that fact. Maybe, at some point, May would find the moment, if he helped her, to talk to him about what had happened. How she’d stood there prepared to kill a man she’d loved, that she most probably still loved.

Rosalind moved closer, nodding as if she understood, and Phil wasn’t sure she did, “It’s been a long day.”

He hummed morbidly in response, arms folded, his eyes downcast, studying the steel alloy panels of the plane’s floor under his feet.

Rosalind fidgeted and then her gaze shifted to his face, staying with him, “Buy you a drink?”

He sucked in a breath, “Sorry, not tonight. Tonight’s more a drinking alone type of night. Maybe another time?” He would prefer to be free, in case, by some miracle, May did search him out.

She squinted at him, as if she knew there was more to it than that, “Might take you up on that.” Walking away, heels clicking, she threw over her shoulder knowingly, “Night, Phil.”

 

* * *

 

A few months, that was all it had taken for everything to fall apart. She’d been so blissfully happy, almost convinced she’d found her way back, that she and Andrew could make it work again.

“Hey.”

A familiar hand settled a steaming cup down on the small, plastic table in front of her. The least he could do. The cup jittered, vibrating just barely; they were smooth sailing, but the low rumble of the engine was a comfort to both Agents.

She didn’t look up, she just kept staring out the small window, the sunset-lit candyfloss clouds passing underneath them, but she wasn’t watching, not really. Her eyes were blank, a distance there like she was a million miles away, just like when she’d come back from Bahrain.

It terrified him. He couldn’t let her retreat inside herself like that again. Emotion was good, in times like this, to see her cry would be a comfort. To know she wasn’t keeping it all locked up inside. She always managed to justify suppressing everything, ready with an ‘I’m saving it,’ as soon as he asked after her. He still didn’t believe that never letting it out was healthy. When Skye… Daisy had been shot, and she’d lost it, brutalising Quinn’s face beyond repair, amongst his shock there’d been the merest hint of relief. For once she hadn’t held back.

“We have to stay hopeful.” He told her quietly.

She didn’t respond, though he knew she’d heard him.

Phil pursed his lips, deciding what to say, uneasy, “If you need some time I-”

“I need to be here.” She interrupted, assuredly. “I’m not leaving.”

“…Good.” Coulson nodded, crossing his arms tight and staring at his shoes.

“Sit with me?” Melinda asked, blinking as she looked up at him with painfully wet, waiting, dark eyes.

He nodded again, sliding in to sit beside her. “Anytime,” he breathed.

They sat, it could have been one minute, or a dozen. He waited for her to speak first, if she ever did. Sometimes silence helped, a moment alone with her thoughts, so he didn’t push. Melinda had never been one that responded well to being forced into things. May could take an order, sure, but only from those she respected. He remembered at the Academy; her easy strength, her defiance, the fire pulsing, viscous in her veins. She’d been rebellious once, refusing the loud, obnoxious demands of senior cadets. He’d respected Cadet May beyond measure, and even more so the woman she’d become. That girl was still in there, he saw her beneath the surface, when she smiled, when she held his gaze. She could never return though, just as well… to relive the past was a dangerous endeavour, Phil knew that. He recited it to himself, words of wisdom, when May tended to his wounds or smiled at his jokes. Going there again would be dangerous.

“I’ll stay.” Her statement took him by surprise, seemingly coming out of the blue.

“If…” He began, deciphering.

“If he dies.” May wrapped her hand around the still scalding cup of tea he’d brought her, not drinking it, just letting the hot mist rise into her face.

“He won’t…” Coulson shifted in his seat, ready to reassure.

May clenched her free fist, tightly closing her eyes, “Don’t… Don’t promise me anything. I can handle it. I would have ended it today, if I had to.”  

“I didn’t know you were capable of that.” Phil admitted quietly.

“You didn’t see what I saw. He was gone, Phil.” Melinda adverted her gaze, her voice all but cracking under the pressure, “I looked at him and Andrew… he wasn’t…” There was solemn confusion and yet resignation in her heavy tone. Still refusing to meet Phil’s eyes.

“But me… the GH serum… you never even considered…?” He’d wanted her to. He’d been desperate that should he descend into deliria she’d be prepared make the hard call, for his sake, for everyone’s.

_‘Whatever happens …I’ll take care of you.’_

“I never lost you. Never.” She explained, fingertips burning as she lifted the mug to her lips, sipping, distracting herself from her own words, letting the scalding drink punish her tongue for what she was about to say, “But today...”

“There’s still a chance, the ATCU might be successful with this cure.”

“No.” Finally a lone tear fell and tumbled down her cheek, “Phil, he lost _me_. The things he was saying. I saw him, he said he’d never hurt Daisy, but I could tell… he lies just like Andrew. I saw that rage, he thought about killing me.” May blinked, eyes growing bloodshot, “I can’t unsee that. Phil he…” Another tear fell, “he said I should understand,” She did look up at him now, with complete and utter horror in her eyes, “because of Bahrain.”

“Hey,” Phil couldn’t hold himself back now, knowing that sometimes even Melinda needed to be held, “You are not that monster.” He told her softly, firmly, wrapping an arm around, drawing her in close.

She didn’t fight him too hard, sinking into his side.

“You made a hard call… the hardest one a person can make. You saved so many people, Mel.”

May was vulnerable, for the first time in years she allowed herself to be completely so, tucking her head under his chin, hiding her face.

“You’re the strongest person I know.” Phil said, his voice muffled, lips pressed into the crown of her head. He could feel a small damp patch on his shirt where her cheek rested against the fabric. “And I’m here, if you need me. I’ve always been here.”

“I know.” The words were so quiet, so distorted, he almost didn’t make them out. You’d think it was the other way round, if you didn’t know them better, but Phil Coulson was Melinda May’s anchor.

They stayed that way, till her body went completely slack against his side. He was careful, as if handling a sleeping child, manoeuvring tentatively till her head rested in his lap and her legs were up on the seat, feet resting against the plane’s side. If she was still awake she was too exhausted to respond to his small touches. He delicately removed the long, dark strands that had fallen across her flushed cheek, tucking them behind her ear. Standing guard over the woman who had always been his protector… it was his turn tonight. When she woke up, she’d stiffen, revert back to their boundaries, but just for now, as the sunset disappeared and the stars began their bright vigil, he held Melinda May.

* * *

 

__please follow me at[coulsonskids](http://www.coulsonskids.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! i'm taking prompts_ _

* * *

 


End file.
